I Take It All Back

I started graduate school in mid-January, and as a result of multiple learning curves—ie, technological, subject matter, and differences in "how college is done" these days—my seven credit hours turned into a 40-hour work week for me. Still, I pushed on, even though my husband and daughter increasingly wondered why I didn't seem to enjoy the work. I tried to respond thusly:

"Studying library science is not like studying political science or philosophy, where you learn about policies and ideas that effect humanity. Library science is the study of information; how to find it, how to use it, how to manage it. I can't get excited about that in and of itself, but that doesn't mean I don't like it."

Apparently, though, it meant just that.

Earlier this week, after receiving four A's out of four projects (three of the four of which were perfect scores), I realized that the only true enjoyment I'd had from either class was this past Saturday, when one of my professors lectured for eight hours. She'd missed the first session back in January (the second was cancelled due to snow and ice) and while online I wasn't sure what to make of her, in person she was amazing, and that alone was what I enjoyed. Alas, my work in my other, wholly online class, revealed something important to me. In that class we were required to focus on an individual library for the entire semester's worth of projects. I chose a branch library in the city of Garland, Texas. After working with library staff (they were great) and city government staff in Garland, Texas, I experienced horrendous flashbacks to my first career, in municipal management as a division manager for the City of Dallas. Listening to those refrains of "never again" in my head, I concluded I did not want to work in a public library, effectively shutting off the majority of librarian positions.

I pride myself in thinking things through the first time around so that when I make decisions, I don't need to rethink them later on.

Apparently, though, I did a piss-poor job in this instance.

A tremendous amount of soul-searching throughout the early part of the week, including a visit with a friend from class and phone calls to my academic adviser, friends from AAR who are librarians and totally "get" me, and a close family friend, as well as lengthy discussion with my husband, helped me put things in perspective. A chance email a week and a half ago from a[nother] close online friend about the possibility of a part-time, paid blogging position refused to vacate my brain even though I'd already sent her a "sorry, I've moved on" response. She too received a phone call from me, and after this exhaustive process—which also included going over the course catalog for the degree and finding little that interested me this time around—I decided it was better to realize early on that librarianship really wasn't for me. As I told my husband, being a librarian really isn't like "working in a bookstore except you get to sit down."

Yesterday I sent my official request to withdraw from my spring semester classes to UNT's registrar. I finished the book I need to review for Publishers Weekly by Monday and, after reading a blog entry by another close online friend at the blog I'm joining, decided my debut could well be a response to it, which I wrote up last night and sent to the site's manager for her to peruse, approve, or decline. While I finished up the spec piece during the evening, sitting on the couch with The Big Bang Theory playing on TV in the background, my husband said to me, "You look happy."

I believe I am. That said, though, the idea that I made a bad decision the first time around is tough for my over-sized ego to handle, not to mention the embarrassment I feel after making such a loud pronouncement about my Major Life Change a couple of months ago that now I must retract.

On the other hand, deciding to quit the program when I was succeeding is an entirely different proposition than leaving because I was not. Still, in the back of my mind the thought niggles that I gave up out of laziness. Nobody who knows me now believes this could possibly be so, but growing up I was lazy; just ask my mom. And yet, writing, and being paid for it, as I am at PW and now will be at this blog (which I don't want to name until my first piece appears online), fulfills something deep inside of me.

I continue to be a work in progress...and am back online.

I Take It All Back

Texas Libraries

Dear Library Supporter,

Take action now and click on SAVE LIBRARY PROGRAMS to send an email to your legislators. You can customize your message to describe the negative impact of budget cuts. The time for action is now!

Ask your friends, neighbors, support groups, and everyone you can think of to send messages as well. Distribute this call to action through social media and any other tools at your disposal. We need tens of thousands of messages to go forward, and we need your help getting this message to our stakeholders across the state.

As you may already know, the proposed state budget:

• Eliminates Loan Star Libraries (direct aid grants to public libraries)
• Eliminates all state funding for TexShare databases
• Eliminates the K-12 Database Program
• Eliminates the Library System Negotiated Grants Program
• Eliminates state funding for statewide library development
• Eliminates state funding for the state depository program and TRAIL program
• Assumes an overall loss of over $8 million in IMLS funds (Note: federal funding is the source of funding for the regional library systems, the TANG program, and interlibrary loan.)
• Eliminates the Technology Allotment at TEA
• Eliminates funding for the State Law Library

Without a restoration of library funding, Texas will have no state infrastructure for library services. Compounded with massive cuts proposed at the local level throughout the state, Texas libraries are in danger. We need you and every single library supporter in Texas to write elected officials to oppose cuts to libraries and urge the restoration of funding for library services.

Gloria Meraz

Texas Library Association

Texas Libraries

Okay, Maybe Not So Much

After signing off yesterday, I never got to that Word outline tutorial because when I went back into Blackboard to see if my professor had responded to my email, I learned two things. The first was that, as she reminded me, our assignment could deal with a special library, and what I'd proposed was the Fine Books Collection within the Main Dallas Library, which means I'll need to pick again. The second was that when I'd worked through that lesson yesterday, it must have been too early in the day because now it was longer...and there were two associated assignments and one self-assessment test connected to it. Oy.

I spent the next few hours going through the entire thing, reworking my outline from start to finish, adding to it, moving things around, etc., based on the "new" lesson, then performed my first self-assessment (I scored a perfect 100% even though I guessed on one of the questions because as far as I could see, it was not covered in the online lesson, which means I'll be going back into the material again today to discover if I somehow missed it the first time around...not a strong testament to my note-taking/outline-making abilities). Next up was answering one of five questions in an online discussion board based on the material, followed by answering another question via email to the professor.

It was nearly ten in the evening before I turned off my laptop and got ready for bed. As I brushed my teeth I realized I'd spent far too long working on this first day's work and will need to work smarter and more quickly. After signing off here, I'll be checking out the websites of three other libraries and possibly contacting them, then I'll return to yesterday's material about the data I somehow missed.

Okay, Maybe Not So Much

First Assignment

While I won't attend my first all-day Saturday class until the weekend for the core course Introduction to Information Access and Retrieval (and no coursework has yet to appear on Blackboard), yesterday I read the first chapter in my textbook for Information Resources Development, my online-only class. Today the first learning module and assignment opened. On February 8th I'll need to turn in a 15-page Library Profile on one of four library types. The library we use for this project will remain "our" library for the entire semester, and a multitude of projects.

I quickly discounted my local branch library within the Dallas system because so many decisions are centralized; I didn't see tackling such a large system as a neophyte as a smart choice, so next I contacted the Richardson Public Library. Richardson is a city of 100,000 just north of Dallas, and while there is but one library, the sole person I was directed to contact will be unavailable until mid-week next week. Because my deadline is not all that far off, I'm new to the program, and new to academia in the 21st century, I nixed that option as well. Both SMU and Richland Community College aren't far away, and while Garland is a little farther, my husband is on the Chamber of Commerce and it's a distinct possibility.

But none of these options appeal to me as much as focusing on a special collection. After having visited the Dallas Museum of Art this weekend, I initially thought of contacting their art library, but then I remembered the main Dallas Public Library has a Fine Books collection. Yes, it's part of the same large DPL system, but it's more or less an enclave. I called them, and if my professor indicates it's not too limiting a choice for an entire semester's projects, I'd like to use it. It somehow appeals to me more.

Now I'm off to do a Microsoft tutorial on creating a document outline. My attempts to use a template I found earlier today didn't go as expected and it took far longer for me to take my notes on the learning module than expected. Hopefully I'll have a response from my professor by the time I finish the tutorial.

First Assignment